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Testimony of Myself


My mother left us when I was only nine months old. My grandmother, uncles and aunties all worked and therefore, I had very little supervision. My father was a fulltime gangster; he was frequently in gambling dens. I fell into bad company and picked up all the bad habits. I started to steal in order to buy myself nicer things. When I was 9 or 10, I stole my grandmother’s gold necklace and sold it for $40, and my auntie diamond ring for $60. I played “hooky” from school all the time and finally left school at Secondary 1, as a hardened thief.





One day, I came home to find my father released from the Drug Rehabilitation Centre. He was with his friends and they were all smoking and taking drugs in our home. I therefore learned to smoke first before graduating to taking drugs.





I found myself attracted to drugs; it looked so trendy to consume, with all the various paraphernalia. My first drug was heroin, which I had stolen from my father when I found him at home with his friends. I overdosed on the heroin since I was only 11; I vomited terribly. But after an hour, the high feeling kicked in. Today, I can still remember the high; no drug addict can ever forget this feeling. This is why it is so hard to kick the habit. To me, the only better feeling better than the heroin high is morphine. To others, it could be “ganja” (which is marijuana).







My father was a croupier at the gambling dens, so he was always busy dealing cards. He would secretly give me a signal whenever he wanted to smoke a joint of heroin (there are 3 ways to take heroin: by smoking in a cigarette, by injection and by “chasing the dragon”, which means melting the heroin in silver foil and then inhaling the fumes), and I would go to the toilet and prepare the heroin joint for him so that he could smoke at the dealing table and no one would know it was heroin he was consuming. Each time, after lighting for my father, I would cleverly steal two puffs from the joint. Since I was taking heroin so regularly, I became addicted.



Eventually, my father caught me stealing his heroin and beat me violently. He used a belt buckle and it hurt terribly. He kicked me so hard I flew across the room. Although I was in pain and fear, the thought that went through my mind is “How come you can take drugs but not me?” But I was too afraid to ask him. After the beating, my father made me go to a temple in Hougang area where I had no drugs to take. Since I was scared of my father, I obeyed him. I was there for 3 weeks and had to skip school. You see, this was my first time trying to snuff out my drug habit so it was easier. Each time an addict tries to kick his habit, it gets harder and harder to do so, and some never manage to do it at all.


I felt completely well “physically” upon returning home and to school. But my father was caught for taking drugs after a week. So back he went into Drug Rehabilitation Centre. He left behind 4 packets of heroin at home and I knew where they were. So I started to take the heroin again. Worse, I even began to buy and sell heroin. My father’s suppliers and customers knew me anyway since I was with my father on his rounds and they started selling to and buying from me as they thought I was doing so on behalf of my father. I was still only 11 then… At 13 years old, I was caught house-breaking. That started my prison experience; I was put into Boy’s Home, a prison for juveniles. I was in and out of Boys Home and later prison for all sorts of offences including offensive weapons, housebreaking, possession of drugs, etc.




I made even more unsavoury friends in prison and learnt from them. I started abusing all sorts of other drugs: morphine, marijuana, sleeping pills, and I even started sniffing glue because it was the cheapest and easiest to obtain. In all, I spent 24 years of my life in and out of prison and drug rehabs; I was almost 20 years behind bars if you count my prison sentences day by day.







How did such a desperate person, covered in tattoos from neck to feet, come to know the Lord then? I look fierce and determined on the outside, but inside, I had often wanted to be a good person. But in front of friends and customer, I acted tough. I just couldn’t change into a good person on my own. Upon each release from prison, I fell back into my old, bad ways.




In 1998, I had reached a point when I felt my life was hopeless and aimless and was contemplating suicide. I had been caught again and had been sentenced to 5 and a half years with 3 strokes of the cane to Changi prison for being such a recalcitrant drug offender. Every day, I had only one hour of yard exercise, 23 hours of cell. The caning was very bad; I was in extreme pain which took me a few weeks to heal. Upon return to my cell, I asked a prison officer for some story book to read and this Malay prison officer passed me a Chinese bible.







On reading it, I sensed God opening His Hand and saying “Come back to Me, My child.” The feeling was overwhelming, I was so happy. I felt this was God’s final chance for me. I opened the Bible and saw a bookmark on which was written by some ex-prisoner, the verses from Hebrews 12:5,6 […][1]. I couldn’t believe it, it was like God was speaking to me directly with these verses, and consoling me! From that moment on, I made a promise to God to be serious about my faith, and to be disciplined. No more just listening, I must fully obey God.


[1] The Chinese reference is to “caning” whereas the English text is “punish”. Hebrews 12:5,6


Day by day, little by little, God changed me. In my 5 and a half year term, I was transferred several times from prison to prison. At Jalan Awang Prison, I had the opportunity to participate in an 18-month bible study course which awarded me a certificate. Amongst other things, I could spend many days in chapel, I had lots of time to read the bible and pray, I was inspired to compose songs and write the lyrics to them. My old friends would tease me for my changed ways, but in my heart, I couldn’t stop thanking God for making the change in my life so obvious. I would go from cell to cell singing my songs and many friends did become Christians.


Upon my release, I was led by the Holy Spirit to Breakthrough Missions (a halfway house).I knew Breakthrough Missions due to their prison ministry. My grandmother came to know the Lord because of the change in my life, which is a miracle in itself; she had arrived in Singapore from China and had been a Buddhist all her life till recently. She accompanies me sometimes and even speaks at events. My father, now in his mid-sixties, has started to attend church.










I have been married for one and half years to a wonderful and beautiful woman, who is my Christian co-worker (that is another story in itself, how I met and married my wife![1]).








[1] Once, when a pastor offered to pray for us ex-offenders to get married, no one wanted to accept. When he asked why, we all said what woman would want us? The pastor answered, never mind the 5 C’s, that we had the biggest one of all, Christ himself. He added that “when you follow Jesus faithfully, girls would follow you”.


I have been in the papers, news and radio telling my life story. I have been to many countries to witness for the Lord. I continue to visit prisons as a Christian counselor. When share with them my testimony, some of them cried, when I asked them why they cried, they said it was because they saw hope for themselves. They said that “if God can change a person like me, He can change anyone”.








Now, my life story is being made into a comic and someone else has offered to help me produce a Christian songs CD. I had also held a concert to raise funds for downs’ syndrome children and needy old folks.














CONCERT PICTURES



TAIPEI PRISON









CHINA/YUN NAN PICTURES






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INDONESIA MISSION PICTURES